Bad, bad bisexual

I’d just like to take a moment and thank Tila Tequila for setting bisexuals back fifty thousand years. Tila Tequila is the star of MTV’s A Shot at Love, where 16 straight men and 16 lesbians compete for the key to her heart. I’m going to skip the deets of the show because the people over here break down the total train wreck more efficiently than I can at this moment.

I’m not here to complain about the alcohol fueled rampant violence or the apparent emotional manipulation the contests are subjected to. My beef is mostly with how she embodies and reinforces every misconception about bisexuals there ever was. Essentially Tila is a shitty bisexual.

Bisexual stereotypes go like this:

Confused and indecisive, unable to choose between men or women (because, you know, everyone’s gotta choose).
Hyper sexual or slutty, up for sex with anyone, anytime, anywhere.
Serial daters, unable to commit.
Just a phase before you realize you’re really gay.
Doesn’t really exist.
Tactic to get attention from straight guys.
Its like Tila has these stereotypes taped above her bed and every night before she goes to bed she prays that she can check off one or all boxes the following day. She kicks the show off by saying that shes not sure if she likes men or women (wait, aren’t you supposed to be into both?) but “realizes” that love isn’t about the gender, it’s about the person (as it should be). Confused and indecisive, check.

To help her suitors take her seriously, she tells them that she has to masturbate nine times a day to be satisfied. That coupled with her sex themed play rooms checks the hyper sexual box.

She follows that shit up by having full on sloppy make out sessions with contestants back to back, without a breather. I could almost let this one slide and chalk it up to reality televisions reliance on sexual tension rather than substance, but Tila makes a habit of kissing and grinding on her lesbian admirers in full view of the straight guys. Did I mention that Tila only likes lipstick lesbians? Pandering to the penis, check.

The whole show checks the serial dater, unable to commit box, and finally, for the first season Tila chose a boy to have a “shot at love” with, proving to some that bisexuality doesn’t exist or is just a phase on your way to straight or gay.

I know it was utterly stupid of me to be jazzercised for a bisexual MTV reality dating show, hoping against hope it could depict a search for love regardless of genitals.